He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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