That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
