so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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