I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
