I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
