Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
