You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
