hell yes lets make some ravioli
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
