I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
