How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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