She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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