the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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