am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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