theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
