Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
