if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
