Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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