I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
