Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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