My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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