I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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