he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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