dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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