I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
