dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
