Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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