He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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