Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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