Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
