I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
