You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
