Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
