Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
