If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
