at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
