officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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