..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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