just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
