The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
