why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
