if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
