We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
