STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
