I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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