Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
