you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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