just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
