allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
