if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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