I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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