Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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