Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk is not a location!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
