I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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