u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
