After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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