Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
